It is normal for a couple to have conflicts, but many times when two people encounter problems, a woman is used to being alone. The man thought it was okay and didn't pay attention, but the situation became more serious. In the end, the two people thought that they no longer loved each other and ended their relationship rashly. So how should we resolve conflicts between couples?
How should we face conflicts in intimate relationships?
1. Your avoidance is actually another kind of cold violence
In the face of conflict, some people will avoid it if they can, and hide if they can. They are absolutely unwilling to do so. There is a head-on conflict.
Sometimes this way of handling things in front of relatives and friends can indeed avoid some conflicts and avoid several quarrels.
But in an intimate relationship, you can’t pretend for a lifetime, and you can’t avoid problems forever.
Even though you are very unhappy with what your partner is doing, you still pretend not to care.
Even if you don’t like the other person’s attitude towards doing things, you still have to act satisfied.
This way of avoiding conflict is seen as a kind of cold violence by the other party.
The signal my partner receives is: He doesn’t want to talk to me; He doesn’t care about my feelings;
Over time, two people will get used to this way of communication, and the relationship between them will The distance will also become farther and farther.
2. Your emotions are written on your face if you don’t express them
When many people quarrel, I feel most uncomfortable saying it.
In fact, not quarreling just shows that you lack the motivation to communicate:
"I am dissatisfied with you, but I don’t even want to say it."
Do you think Not talking is a solution, but in fact your emotions have betrayed you a long time ago.
The other person can sense your unhappiness and dissatisfaction from your expression and actions.
"I'm fine."
"Don't you know if I'm happy or not?"
"I'm not angry"
< p> You say "it's okay", but your voice, expression, and actions are all visible to people.There is nothing wrong with your behavior, but your face says you are unhappy.
Arguing only when the relationship is not good is the biggest misunderstanding of intimate relationships.
Studies have shown that people with extremely low feelings of marriage are not couples who quarrel every day, but couples who never quarrel.
Avoiding conflicts is not a way to solve problems, it is the attitude towards conflicts that we should pay attention to.
Rather than letting the other person guess your inner thoughts, it is better to face it positively with a sincere attitude.
3. Quarreling is a booster of close relationships
Quarreling affects relationships, but not quarreling can alienate relationships.
Avoiding is never the way to solve a problem. If you can solve the problem head-on, you may get a more unexpected effect.
Make good use of the quarrel, and you may even turn it into a weapon to enhance your relationship.
Listen carefully
If you faced conflicts before, you would habitually want to escape. Now you can try to listen carefully to what the other party wants to express.
Maybe she will say something to attack you, and maybe there will be something you don’t want to hear.
Don’t be frustrated at this time. Try to change your habit of dealing with conflicts. As long as you can learn to face them instead of avoiding them, you have already taken the first step.
Talk about feelings rather than evaluations
When you have listened to the other person, don’t rush to express your own comments and opinions, just express your feelings.
For example: "When you lose your temper at me, you make me feel bad about myself, and I will be very unhappy."
Instead of saying, "There are women like you. Friends? Look at how good someone's girlfriend is to her boyfriend, and then look at you. "
The first way of expression is to express your feelings, and talk about the matter concretely, which can also make the other person happy. Understand what changes need to be made in the future.
The second way of expression has risen to the level of personal attack. After the other party listens, it will only escalate the conflict and make it impossible to communicate calmly.
Bravely express your concern
"Nonviolent Communication" mentioned that those who lose their temper , because their inner order is disrupted.
When facing a conflict, don’t be affected by the other party’s emotions. Always remember your own thoughts. In the middle of the quarrel, you can say:
“Fighting can’t solve the problem, first Let’s eat. Let’s talk after eating.”
“Were you hurt just now?”
Such words express your emotions and listen to the other person’s thoughts and feelings.
Sometimes, we have been accustomed to avoiding conflicts and contradictions because we are afraid that we will be hurt in the conflict.
However, you must understand that if you want to have a healthy intimate relationship, you must bravely overcome your inner fears and learn to face and resolve conflicts.
Just like Romain Rolland said: "True bravery is to still love the world after seeing the truth of life."
