How to run a happy marriage? This question must be what many couples want to know. After all, it is not easy to be together through many difficulties. So today, the editor also took this issue into consideration and brought you 7 rules for a happy marriage. Don’t miss it.
On the topic of how to manage a happy marriage, I have to mention that Gottman is a professor of psychology at the University of Washington.
He has been studying family relationships for 40 years. He holds marriage workshops all year round and won the Outstanding Scientific Researcher Award from the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy.
Miraculously, he can accurately determine whether a couple will divorce within 5 minutes, with an accuracy rate of 91%.
Gottman wrote the book "Happy Marriage", in which he summarized the 7 rules of a happy marriage.
1. Continue to improve your love map
The love map is how well you understand your partner. What does he like to do most in his free time, what does he like to eat the most, what are his dreams, what are his worries, what traumas he has suffered... Partners who have a detailed love map for each other can better handle stressful events. with conflict.
2. Cultivate your love and praise
Loving and appreciating your partner is the most important factor in a long-lasting and happy marriage. Happy partners respect each other, tolerate each other's shortcomings, respect each other, and are proud of each other. When conflict strikes, our appreciation and affection for our partner can protect our marriage from too much damage.
3. Stay close to each other rather than away from each other
Candlelight dinners are not the secret to a happy marriage. Being close to each other in daily trivial matters is the secret to happiness. Partners can do some trivial things together in their daily interactions to ensure a certain amount of time together, such as watching movies together, reading books together, walking together, cooking together, and cleaning together.
4. Let your spouse influence you
Unhappy marriages are often a battle of "listen to you" or "listen to me", and the winner in the end may successfully defend himself. Sovereignty but lost the marriage. In the long run, the happiest and strongest marriages are those where the husband respects his wife and makes decisions with her.
5. Solve solvable problems
Gottman believes that problems in marriage can be divided into two categories: Categories:
One category is permanent and will not disappear, such as personality conflicts and value conflicts;
The other category is solvable problems, such as housework and work Stress, frequency of sex.
For solvable problems, Gottman provided 5 principles for solving problems:
① Make sure you start your discussion in a gentle way rather than a harsh way;
② Learn to effectively use emotional repair attempts, such as apologizing and affirming the other party;
③ Self-comfort and mutual comfort;
④ Learn to compromise;
⑤ Tolerate each other’s shortcomings;
6. Resolve the deadlock
For For problems that cannot be solved, the only way is to look away and seek compromise. Don't think about changing the other person in the marriage - only by changing yourself and influencing the other person can you change the marriage.
7. Create shared meaning
Think about the purpose of your marriage. Both husband and wife should find a common vision and a common meaning of life. The more shared meaning you find, the deeper, richer, and more valuable your relationship will be.
The above is all the content that the editor has brought to you today on how to run a happy marriage. I hope it will be helpful to you after reading it. If you have any questions later, you can also message me privately, here Help everyone as much as possible. See you next time.
